As ordained by Basil Dimintonos of the Basil Dimintonos Quintet. Singles include “The Nuclear Love Song” and “A Meeting Between Shakespeare and Satchel Paige on Hampstead Heath (for Guitar and Flute)”
1) Owe the Audience Nothing.
2) Keep It Unfrantic, Cerebral, and Profound
3) No Applause
4) Don’t Ever Use Jive Talk
5) Ask Questions Only During Breaks
alligator n. - a tread or recap from a blown tire. Creates a road hazard. Rel. alligator bait: bits and pieces of a blown tire.
at your back door adj. - behind a truck. “You got a bear at your back door.” Ant. front door: front of a truck
Bambi n. - a deer, whether dead or alive. Rel. swamp donkey: a moose.
bear/Smokey n. - a county or state cop. Rel. she bear: a female cop
bedbuggers n. - moving companies.
bobtail adj. - running without a trailer.
boogie n. - top gear. “I’ve got ‘er up into boogie now.”
brake check n. - a sudden slowdown in traffic, where you have to hit the brakes.
bumper sticker n. - an automobile following you too closely. Syn. - hitchhiker.
comedian n. - the median strip.
comic/funny book n. - a Department of Transportation logbook, required by law.
double nickel n. - 55 miles per hour, the speed limit.
Evil Kenivel n. - a motorcycle cop.
Georgia Overdrive n. - neutral gear.
gouge on it v. - go fast, step on it.
granny lane n. - the right, slow lane on an interstate highway or freeway.
hammer down v. - go fast, step on it.
hammer lane n. - the fast, passing lane on an interstate highway or freeway. Syn. - bumper lane.
in the big hole adj. - in top gear.
Kojak with a Kodak n. - a police officer with a radar gun. “There’s a Kojak with a Kodak behind the overpass.”
reefer n. - a refrigerated cargo trailer. “The sign at the front desk at Motel 6 says, ‘No running reefers after 9 p.m.’”
road pizza n. - a badly mangled road kill.
rollerskate n. - any small car. Originally referred to a Volkswagen.
sand box n. - a gravel trailer. Syn. - coal bucket.
stagecoach n. - a tour bus.
thermos bottle n. - a tanker trailer. Syn. - pipeline, portable gas station.
West Coast turnarounds n. - benzedrine pills, speed. So called because a driver could theoretically take some and drive from the East Coast to the West Coast, turn around, and drive back east without stopping to sleep.